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How do I deal with The Worse Friends of my bad enough (sometimes) Teen?
He's 15, They are My brothers Fiancee's three boys, 19, 17, 16... and he Refuses to stay away from them, sneaks out to go over there, and is highly influenced by them, the 17 yr. old got a homemade tattoo, the 19 yr old pierced his own nipple!, and my son now sports a tattoo and earring. The 16yr old does nothing, but hang out and encourage My son to join in... I have talked to My brother and his fiancee about her boys, and was told that if the matter "doesn't involve the house, [they] can't tell" them what to do. I have talked directly to these boys, but they will won't stop inviting my son to join in, and have actually told him that I can't DO anything to him OR them if he does. I went to pick him up last night at 10pm, and the oldest asked "why does he have to leave?" When I answered "because I SAID SO" He actually had the gall to snap at ME, "you don't need to take that tone with Me!" And my Brother and the Mother are out of town this week, so What CAN I do?
If you tell him he is not allowed or that you dont like him spending time with this guys - practically family - he'll spend even more exciting time with them. These guys represents something he knows is on the edge. He is drawn to the excitement. Of course he is. He also knows you dont approve, and maybe is that making it a greater challenge for him. He is in his puberty and making a distance to you is one of his main issues. He wants to make own decisions and become a grownup.
This is my advice for you: Make sure that you have the chance to talk to him - every day - half an hour or so at least. Maybe at dinner or in the morning for breakfast. Make a platform for dialogue with him. Make sure you have eyecontact with him and that you are positive.
Let him feel that you trust him, that you like talking to him as a more grown person. About the news, about what happens in town - whatever. That you are interested in his thoughts. Accnowledge the fact that he is NOT a preteen. Not at all telling him your opinion, but talk to him about what he is thinking in general.
Dont ever talk about the three guys unless you are positive. Find something positive to say about them if you have to. Talk to him about how he is doing. My goal with such a dialogue would be to pass on some attitude. And to make sure he stayed in school and behaved within limits. If you feel you can manage: let him have the three guys over: it is better for you having them there watching, knowing than for them being out of sight?.....?maybe
Remember this: Deep down your boy "owns" the values you allready have passed on to him before he reached puberty. He has this deep down in his heart - and you have to trust him to use it. Now, you have the possibility to add to this.
Good luck and best wishes!!
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